Best Man Quotes – A Cheat’s Guide to Sounding Eloquent & Witty

Plagiarism isn’t allowed but quoting clever people is. It’s a legitimate way of adding humour to your speech, so exploit them.

Here, we’ve tried to select quotes that you won’t have heard a hundred times before and ones that provide a springboard for you to have a bit of fun with.

Follow our tips on how to use them and we guarantee they will make your speech a bit more awesome.

How to Use Quotes Well

Great quotes shouldn’t make you lazy. Use the quotes as an addition to what you want to say, rather than a substitute for your own words. Write your speech first, then see if a quote or two can make it better.

  • Make the quotes meaningful
  • Think about the songs & the films that you’ve bonded over. Do any of these lend themselves to a great quote?
  • Don’t overload your speech with quotes
  • Two maximum as a general rule. One at the top and one towards the end.
  • Quote recognisable names (or at least provide some context)
  • It’s always good to quote people that you’ve actually have heard of (or at least respect after you’ve looked them up on Wikipedia). You’ll find there’s loads of great quotes by people you’ve never heard of, but do you really want to qualify them by saying they were written by a ‘relationship consultant’?
  • Add a back ref
  • Put the quote into a personal context, or make it even more humorous with a suitable ‘ad lib’.

Speechy's Favourite Best Man Quotes

Wedding Speech Quotes

““What I say is that, if a man really likes potatoes, he must be a pretty decent sort of fellow.” A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh.

This quotes works best if the groom likes his Maris Pipers.

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.”  Will Ferrell 

You can always add some more ‘marriage advice’ quotes to your speech. Check out the father of the bride quote page for more inspo.

wedding speech quotes
Wedding Speech Quotes

“Who, being loved, is poor?” Oscar Wilde

For a moment people may suspect you’re being sincere. But obviously you’ll back ref this with something related to the ridiculous cost of a wedding.

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” Rita Rudner

It’s a classic but it works. Clearly only if you’re married.

wedding speech quotes
Wedding Speech Quote

“There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends.” Sylvia Plath

Even literary titans understand the powerful bonding experience of a stag do.

“Never go to bed on an argument. Stay up and fight.” Phyllis Diller

Still love this classic quote. And we follow her advice every night.

Wedding Speech Quotes
wedding speech quote

‘Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you haven’t learned anything’. Muhammad Ali 

Quoting this dude is always going to add a bit of cool to your speech.

”“We fall in love because we long to escape from ourselves with someone as beautiful, intelligent, and witty as we are ugly, stupid, and dull. But what if such a perfect being should one day turn around and decide they will love us back? We can only be somewhat shocked-how can they be as wonderful as we had hoped .’ Alain Du Botton

A bit of philosophy perhaps?

Wedding Speech Quotes
wedding speech quote

”When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them and say ‘me too!’ be sure to cherish them. These people are your tribe.’

Everyone likes to be part of a tribe. And a wedding is always better if everyone’s part of one.

”It’s not what we have in life, but who we have in life that matters.” Author Unknown

Just on the right side of sincere without verging into cheesy territory.

wedding speech quotes
Wedding Speech Quotes

””Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” Jerry Seinfeld

So if you use this one, the speech has got to end up being slightly less cynical.

”You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.” Laurence J. Peter

Thank God this is true.

wedding speech quote
wedding speech quote

‘It’s the friends you can call up at 4am that matter.’ Marlene Dietrich 

An awesome German woman who clearly knew the rules of friendship. (Though didn’t live long enough to know friends don’t actually call each other these days).

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” C.S. Lewis

Give examples to make this quote funnier e.g. do you both order two Big Macs at a time, reckon Christopher Eccleston was the best Doc Who, remember the lyrics to The Shamen’s Ebeneezer track despite only being six when it was released.  You know the sort of thing…

Wedding Speech Quote
Wedding Speech Quotes

“It doesn’t matter if the guy is perfect or the girl is perfect, as long as they are perfect for each other” Robin Williams, Good Will Hunting

And a sweet one to end on (without being overly mushy)

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