So, you’re getting married and writing your wedding vows. But you are, in the words of your Uncle Brian, “One of those”.
Cheers, Uncle Brian. Well, the good news for you is that your vows don’t have to be any different to those at what your Uncle Brian calls “a normal wedding”.
You’re celebrating the love between two people, and how you choose to do that on your big day is entirely up to you.
You know what, your Uncle Brian is a real piece of work.
But if you do want to personalise your vows to celebrate the unique love you and your partner share, then read on.
In short, the ‘traditional’ official wording might just not be right for you. Each couple is entirely unique, and your wedding vows should reflect that. Also, it feels much more personal. Picking the standard wording is like sending a text to your partner saying “Dear Sir/Madam”.
Do some research on personalised vows, read some examples, see what suits you and your partner.
But don’t just limit yourself to reading other people’s vows, read excerpts from your partner’s favourite books, read quotes from your favourite authors or philosophers.
Find the words that speak to you and best represent your love of your partner.
Go on the internet. We’ve heard it’s a pretty big deal these days.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken” – Oscar Wilde.
At the risk of sounding like a maths teacher trying to be cool, there are no rules, yeah?
Structure your vows however you like. You can split them up into sections and read alternate bits each. You can read them in solid chunks. You can make them rhyme. You can perform them as a song. You can turn them into an expressive dance, but obviously don’t do that. That would be hideous.
The great thing about personalising your vows is you can make them into whatever you want them to be.
Some people prefer vows to be a solemn expression of their love for their partner. But for other people, that doesn’t fit with their personality.
And if that’s you, then here’s how.
Talk about your weaknesses. It’s no coincidence that almost all comedians talk about their flaws. So, find yours and weave them into your vows.
Make small, silly promises that actually relate to you. Do you put half empty food packages back in the cupboard? Do you spend too long on Instagram? Do you literally never shut up about Brexit? Well, make a vow based on these things. It’s fun, it’s charming and most importantly no one will actually hold you to them! Win win.
We’ve all been to those weddings right? The ones where the betrothed uses some cheap line about ‘love being like a flower’ and you all want to vomit. Well, the reason for this barf-reflex is that they’re cliched and lack a personal touch. Anyone could say those lines, yet the ones that feel real are the ones that come from a place of honesty.
Start by listing all the things you love about your partner, now throw all of that in the bin and start writing a list of all the small things you love about your partner. How they snort when they laugh. How they leave little notes around the house for you. How it starts to rain and he says “It wasn’t over. It still isn’t over,” and you kiss and he carries you back to… wait, that’s Ryan Gosling in ‘The Notebook’. Actually, that’s our new tip: ‘Marry Ryan Gosling’.
Much like the structure, this can be whatever you want it to be. But our advice would be to keep it short, mostly because longer anecdotes are best kept for the speeches, but also your guests are normally gasping for a drink at this point.
The use of quotes can be incredibly helpful in getting your message across, as authors are often able to put into words exactly how you feel in a succinct and profound way.
There are many incredible authors, poets, actors and activists who have offered up perfect quotes on gay marriage.
Using a quote from one of these great thinkers can be a great way to mark this momentous occasion.
“Love has no gender – compassion has no religion – character has no race.” – Abhijit Naskar
Taking how you feel and putting it down on paper might look easy, but is actually a surprisingly difficult thing to do. Like ironing a fitted bed-sheet, or telling your mother to ’lay off the free bar’.
But do not fear, Speechy is here to help. With the writing bit. You’re on your own with your mother.
We’ll make sure that your vows sound personalised and unique, keeping them short, concise and most importantly in a style that suits you. So now all you’ve got to do is buy a ring and track down Ryan Gosling circa 2004.
Oh, and maybe don’t invite your Uncle Brian? I know we’ve made him up, but still, he’s a right piece of work.